For married couples with children, the most difficult part of a divorce or separation is often putting together a child custody arrangement.

St. Paul parents may know that in Minnesota there are two types of custody: legal and physical. Legal custody relates to the decision making authority of the parent in regard to the child's upbringing and emergencies. Physical custody refers to the residence of the child and the parenting time schedule.

A national news column recently shared several tips that Twin Cities parents may find useful if they are going through custody actions.

• Know your ground: Many people share the misconception that the mother will automatically be given custody after a divorce. This is not true. Custody laws are gender neutral. Nationally, fathers are actually awarded custody 50 percent of the time.

• Stay active in your child's life: The parent who is most involved in the day-to-day upbringing of the children has the advantage in a custody case. This parent is known as the primary caregiver. A parent who shows a judge that they are not involved in raising his or her child will likely lose custody.

• Address alcohol, drug or other issues: Seek treatment immediately for any substance abuse problem. Even casual use of drugs or alcohol may affect the case's outcome.

• Be careful with your virtual ID: Do not partake in catty or inappropriate text messages, e-mails or voicemail recordings that will show an impulsive or poor decorum.

• Respect your future ex: A parent who belittles the other, or who interferes in the child's relationship with the other parent may be reprimanded by the judge. Control your anger, as a judge will also frown upon outbursts or testimony of such. If your temper is a real problem, seek counseling.

• Find a reputable attorney: Enlist a family law attorney who is experienced in custody cases. This will help you avoid mistakes mentioned above and present your case in the best way.

Source: Huffington Post, "How To Lose Child Custody," Jacqueline Harounian, Esq., Dec. 12, 2011